When I think back on how we met, it feels just so unreal. Like a dream. There were so many coincidences. There were so many little decisions taken by each of us that we finally ended up together. Together for one night.
You were standing outside the bar. You were the former roommate of a colleague of an acquaintance of mine. So we didn’t even have common friends. To be honest, you weren’t my type at all, however, I appreciated talking to you. For me, you were just a guy who was enjoying the evening out and had fun dancing. This changed as you suddenly came up to me and told me: “I know, you have a boyfriend. But I think you are really sweet and I would like to kiss you.”
At that moment I still thought to myself that this is just going to be a one-night stand and not more. We danced together, we talked together. We kissed.
In the early morning hours, we decided to spend the rest of the time together. We held hands the entire drive home.
Then in that exact moment, I realised that there was more between us.
Some kind of chemistry. From that very moment on it felt like we were in a really cheesy Hollywood love movie — the ones I don’t like because they are way too unrealistic and always have a happy end. And in real life there are no happy ends, are there?
We shared that one night together. Probably there was some magic spell in the air. And the time afterwards was intense. I began to like you. To like you way too much.
You gave me the feeling that you felt the same as I did or at this very moment still do… You gave me hope. I probably also idolized you as I suddenly saw a future. My future was very clear in front of me and I never ever experienced this before. Although the distance separated us, as we don’t live in the same country, we hade quite a connection and you told me things that led me to believe that we are meant for each other. I am not blaming you for this. I or maybe we just got carried away in this night an the weeks afterwards. We both probably just enjoyed way too much the feeling of being happily in love.
You made me feel secure and safe. I enjoyed the feeling of having you near me. I felt like we knew each other already for years — it all was just so familiar. With every single word you told me, you fed my own imagination of us being together at some point in our lives.
You told me wonderful things. Things that made me content. And once you said to me that you get the urge to make me happy and you have never experienced this strange feeling before — I believed you. I soaked up every word you told me and every text you sent me. For me, it was clear that all this was honest and real.
You shared some beautiful songs with me. Every single one of them touched directly my heart.
Each word of the lyrics felt like it was meant for me… for us.
We were in love without being genuinely in love.
Or that is at least what I thought…
This all jeopardized my current long-term relationship. Yes, and I overstepped the border — I cheated emotionally and didn’t realise until it was too late. I was in kind of a shock as a became aware that I crossed the boundaries, that I emotionally cheated on the person who has been since my teen years my partner in crime, my best friend, my lover, my everything. How could this happen?
You were just a dream and became suddenly a nightmare because I thought you were real… but apparently you weren’t…
to be continued…