When a dream becomes a nightmare - Part III (How it ended)

As fast as the story began, as fast it ended.

I seldom experienced such an abrupt cut.

I somehow found myself confessing my feelings and told him that I would like to get to know him better. Normally, I am quite a rational person and all my decisions I make are well-thought through. Somehow this action was not driven by rationality, but solely by feelings and pure emotions. A side of me that never or extremely rarely shows when there are important decisions to make.

His response threw me pretty much off the track. It wasn’t the actual rejection that hurt me. It was something different. He told me that he isn’t real. However, it wasn’t a “game” for him. But he is not real.

I was just left with a lot of questions…

What does this mean, not a “game”? It wasn’t a game for him in the usual sense, but what game was it? If he isn’t real, was all the things he said and did unreal too? Why did he end it that aprublty? How can he have no emtions when he told me that he really likes me? Why would he do that? And how could he?

Still, I have not found the answers to the questions. And I will never find them unless we will meet again at some point in our lives and he is willing to explain himself to me.

However, for now, I try to look forward and try forgetting him — as he told me to do so.

To be honest, it is hard to forget someone who threw you off the tracks in such a short time. It is hard to forget someone who told you that he really likes you. It is hard to forget someone who gave you hope and who gave you the prospect of being in touch for a very long time. It is hard to forget someone who made you feel special and happy. It is hard to forget someone who was the reason for an almost head over heel decision.

The truth is, it is hard to forget someone you could imagine being with…

maybe to be continued…?… or maybe not be continued…

Some afterthoughts

It has been some months ago since this all happened. And still, it is not easy for me. The thing that gets to me the most is that I don’t understand why it is so hard for me to let go. I sometimes get attached to people, sometimes rather quickly, but it never happened to this extent. On the one hand, I blame myself for this situation because how could this even happen and on the other hand, I am very well aware that it was not my fault. For emotions happening as they occurred — two persons are needed, or at least I always thought so.

Life is not a Hollywood movie. Life is not always fair. And life does not go the way we aimed for. And still, I do have some hope for a happy end… And at the same moment, I know that hope is wrong. It at least feels wrong to me, because it feeds an illusion. It provides food for thought for a construct that will probably remain a construct of my own mind.

There is no contact at all. I deleted everything. The only thing where we still could reach out to each other is ironically a business network platform — business and career were exactly those things he wanted to focus on for the next two years and therefore terminated the contact we had.

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