When a dream becomes a nightmare — Part I (How it all began)

Disclaimer: Dear reader, as I enjoy music very much I have taken the freedom to add some songs to the story. Feel free to listen to them while reading.

First of all, I don’t believe in cheesy love stories. I don’t think that the life depicted in a Hollywood romance movie could ever become reality.

I am in a long-term relationship and we have mastered several challenging situations. This strengthens the relationship but at the same time, it develops a certain connection which is based on a kind of dependence — or at least that is true for me because it gives you security.

I am thankful having experienced a typical teen-romance like the ones you read in books: lots of butterflies in the stomach, music which connects you with special moments and memories, the first kiss, the first everything. When I think back it has been a really carefree time although when my 17-year old myself would have disagreed with me. I mean when you are in your teens you often see more trouble and problems in things where there are none. And yes, puberty is not always easy but nonetheless, I am grateful for this teen-love I was able to experience.

It was a great time, of course with a lot of ups and downs — just the typical teenage life.

Most relationships don’t survive “the big personality change” as I like to call it. Around your twenties, your priorities shift. You may grow apart because you pursue different dreams. It is not that unusual that you as a person change. This was exactly the case with us — we both changed and although we went through this “transition” we didn’t grow apart.

But I realised that I became during my university years way more outgoing and extroverted. In short, I became more myself again. I was always a happy and very vivid as a child and I somehow lost this part over time. University was a great time. Of course, the exam season was always a dreadful and very stressful time, nonetheless, I enjoyed my life as a student with every facet that belonged to such a student life. Yes, lots of parties, drinking and so on…

This all led to the notion that I might be missing somethings out because I am in a relationship; because I am tied to a person. When you fully trust your partner and you share an open communication then why not try opening the relationship, we both thought as we discussed my “fear of missing out”.

Fast forward: It worked astonishingly well. Experiencing all the things that normally a single person does was, to be frank, fun. Physical cheating was no longer cheating. The only limit we set ourself was emotional cheating. And surprisingly I had no problem whatsoever to keep those two components apart. I never saw myself as a person who would be capable of separating emotions from sex, but it worked well.

I had two totally different things that usually are not compatible — I had a stable relationship with a person who was and is always there for me and whom I love while simultaneously I had almost all the freedom a single person has.

Like already mentioned in the beginning, I am not a believer in cheesy love stories. Of course, every relationship has some magic moments but I never believed in love at first sight or in soulmates…

to be continued…

Originally published on Medium

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